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ISC Editor's Weekly Blog

A Letter from Nomali to You

This Week on Integral Spiritual Center....

The Price of Innocence: Powerlessness - Fred Kofman

IS Call on Ch. 4 "States and Stages": Part 1 - Meg Salter / Ken Wilber

Dear Friends of ISC,

Thank you to everyone who joined us for a great Shadow call on Saturday - the audio will be posted soon.  This week on ISC, check out Fred Kofman's teaching on responsibility at ISC2, and listen to Ken and Meg Salter from Toronto discuss how to describe spiritual development in orange, green and post-green terms, from the January States and Stages call.

Closest to my heart, I have a letter from Nomali to share with you:

*   *   *   *   *

My Dear Friends,
As some of you knew, I was away back home in Sri Lanka for a while. I am back! Indeed, it was interesting going back after being so immersed in I-I and 'integral' and 'Integral' for the last few years and seeing the chaos, mess, poverty and the general 'redness' that is the case of the third world. Due to very little Internet, I apologize that I could not stay in touch with you all.

Anyway, my friends, I wanted to share with you that I have returned to Boulder, CO and also, one other thing…

Just as I was boarding a 15 hr flight from Hong Kong back to Denver, I found that I was laid off from I-I when I briefly checked emails. I have been told that it was a necessary decision to help I-I financially. So, today I say Good Bye to you from Integral Spiritual Center and Integral Institute where I have been a most proud volunteer and staff member for the last 3.5 years. What a ride this has been for me!

What brought me here was recognition, through Ken's work, of the truly wondrous possibilities we passionately desire for the transformation of all sentient beings at every altitude. Ken's work brought me to my knees. And so, I had to get up, engage and get involved. My body, my soul would not have left me alone had I not. Any and every physical, mental, emotional and spiritual sacrifice was worth it to be a part of that integral vision. I am so grateful and delighted to continue to serve from, through and for this integral transformation as a part of my life's work – where ever I go.

My work and opportunities to learn and serve here as a co-manager of ISC have meant a great deal to me. And since I am also only human, I am also not shy or afraid to say that I am with heavy heart. Leaving is not easy. My greatest challenge is to find a meaningful way to detach from and yet stay connected to what became my home away from home. I am pretty sure that my small and contracted self will, at least for a while, go through some feelings of rejection and deep, deep sadness…but, oh well, that too is impermanent; thank goodness for that! I also admit, this might just be a natural and good time to move on from I-I for better or for worse...

Before I leave, I cannot but thank the people that have carved a special place in my heart. As much as I hate to, I have to mention a few names…

Rollie, for your undying goodwill, compassion, brilliance, humility, and courage, I bow at your feet. Thank you, thank you, thank you for every moment we were a 'We' at ISC.

In the last half of 2006, with the launch of ISC website, I discovered I-I's online community which I truly believe is the greatest thing about I-I! It's been such an honor getting to know some of you through the forums. Thank You, dear friends.

Jeff Salzman, you don't even realize how beautiful you are. Thank You for what you give the world.

Ken, you are a bundle! It has been SUCH an honor. I thank you from my truest and deepest for being the One who made sense of it all for me.

For the gift of your friendship, support, wisdom and for leaving such an impeccable impact on me, I thank the many friends and teachers I have met through I-I, especially, Br. David, Fr. Keating, Lisa, Terry, Willow, Annie, Deb, Genpo Roshi, Edith, Marco, Corey, M. Matzek, Colin, Stuart, Eric, Harm, Jason L, Paul, Alden, Sourabh and AT (India), Joel, Ballard, Lindsey, Jason D, J. Forman, David & Donna, Ross & Mary, Jon, Robert, Chris G, Dustin, Mark P, Mark B, Staff @ I-I and so many others, including friends from seminars and the President's Circle.

Last but not least, Integral Institute - You have given me so much! I have learnt so much! I wish you every success in your journey to serve humanity.

And, YES, I would so much like to keep in touch! I am certainly not disappearing in to thin air :-) My email is nomaliperera at gmail dot com.

Thank You for making my life Good, True and Beautiful.

Deepest Bow,
Deepest Gratitude,



Please join me in keeping our beloved Nomali close by in thought and prayer, in deep gratefulness for her extraordinary sacrifices and her boundless heart, as she continues to share her great Gift with the world.  Noms, the place beside me on the ISC couch is Empty, but I continue to sit there and do this blessed work, in your honour.  With much love always,



Published Saturday, February 24, 2007 3:26 AM by rollie



jikishin said:

Wow. Thank You both, Nomali, Rollie. I am especially grateful to Nomali, my "first impression" of I-I, for the candles of December. For that excelent opportunity for any and all of us, with simple ritual /stating, to focus our love, care, appreciation.

Be well, Nomali, in this whole lot of newness, again :i

February 23, 2007 10:06 PM

simonste said:

Immense gratitude to you, Nomali, for your radiance and friendship. My memories of Boulder, last year, continue to be graced by your beautiful presence. I am so thankful to have have met you and shared your smiles. Keep on shining!
February 24, 2007 8:51 AM

maryw said:

Nomali --

I'm with heavy heart too to hear that you are leaving I-I -- really sorry to hear this news as I think of the great spirit and light that you brought to the forums here recently! :-( I will miss your energy and your great heart.

Best of luck to you in your future endeavors; you are in my thoughts and prayers! And I'll see you at the zaadz cyber-zangha, okay?

Love and blessings,

February 24, 2007 3:21 PM

balder said:

Nomali, your presence here will be missed!  You brought a much needed warmth and grace to these forums.  It seems a shame that you had to find out that you've been fired through an email, after all that time of service -- what's up with that? -- but I admire how you are holding this time of transition and have no doubt you will continue to shine and bless others, wherever you go.

Best wishes,

February 24, 2007 5:17 PM

adastra said:


It's been such a pleasure getting to know you on and off the forums in the last while, and I'm honored to count you as a friend.  As I mentioned to Ken in the shadow concall yesterday, you're the one that really "got" the forum scene here.  I-I clearly doesn't know what a loss it will be to lose you - otherwise they would not have laid you off!  It seems terribly unkind to have let you know through an email, I was very sorry to hear about that.  I know that you will continue to serve the integral vision to the best of your tremendous abilities wherever you go next.  

much love,
February 25, 2007 8:55 AM

tiki said:

You will be so sorely missed, and as always you are handling this with great dignity. Please don't disappear, there are too few people who actually "get" the forum and your arrival there could not have been more timely.

I am sorry you were not treated with the respect you deserve, to be let go in an e-mail is at best insensitive and reflects yet again the issues around how the organisation operates.

Holding you in my thoughts, your light shines, it will do that wherever you are
February 25, 2007 9:39 AM

timelody said:

I was nearly the first to read this blog but it has been too saddening to muster a comment until now. None the less I must add my official agreement of heartfelt gratitude for your service, especially to the forum community. Nomali you have been the great I-I keeper of this important LL aspect of I-I. It has been greatly appreciated and truly valuable. Still, yes, don't be a stranger or disappear into thin air -despite these LR adjustments we are all still in this project together; the project to embody AQAL in our own person's, and by default, the world we touch and encounter. Okay, blah, blah, blah . . . Love you!!!!
February 25, 2007 11:22 AM

pelleB said:

Those are sad news indeed Nomali. Your presence at the forums meant a great deal at a point where many of us were sick and tired of the absence of I-I staff and lack of moderation. I hope you will still find your way to the Multiplex forums and I-IZaadz, we will all be waiting for you ready to welcome you back :)

I-I has lost a big asset.

February 25, 2007 4:40 PM

tamgoddess said:

One satisfying thing: Arthur was able to mention to Ken, in the conference call on IS chapter 6, that Nomali was the best thing that ever happened to the forum. I have no idea if that will make it into the final edit--the call was so long it had to be broken up into two separate Saturdays--but it felt good to know that the BBG himself heard from us via Arthur that this wasn't necessarily the smartest move on I-I's part.

I still, of course, wish for the greatest success for I-I and for dear sweet Nomali, too. See you this summer, girl!

February 25, 2007 5:57 PM

hbishop said:

As the heart and voice of I-I on these forums, for the wonderful Naropa discussion group a few years ago, to your gentle and loving presence during Ken's illness and the upheavals last Fall- thank you! You will be greatly missed. I agree with Pelle you were/are a "big asset."
February 25, 2007 6:19 PM

wmersy said:

I am so sorry... (no words can do justice) you are in my heart and prayers...

I hope/trust that you will in grace find where it is you should be... (always in God)  btw (this is regarding a previous post of yours I saw re: exercise) I hope that you will (if haven't already) seriously consider "getting the ball rolling" in some small way with some sort of strength training which I believe will help with being strong and grounded in this transitional phase you are entering.  much love and blessings
February 26, 2007 5:45 PM

edith said:

Beloved Nomali,
My heart overflows with gratitude for
- the honesty and dignity of your account
- the exquisite care and fine attention you brouight to ISC seminars
- the luminosity of your Presence - just watching you meditate was meditation itself
- your artwork on the IN gallery; it never ceases to take me directly into the Mystery
- the beautiful way you held the space and literally lit the way when Ken was ill
- your profound and passionate commitment to serving spiritual transformation
- your tireless work behind the scenes, often late into the night
- your extraordinary grace, graciousness, goodness and generosity
- the priceless gift of your friendship
February 26, 2007 6:31 PM

jwcargile said:

As I have told you, Nomali, you are an audacious person. Your kindness is personified in what you write to us on the forums. It intrigues me, however, that you are laid off by email, and just days ago I received an email from I-I that they are looking for managers at the top level. So, what kind of financial straits is I-I in? As a retired businessman I find this hard to justify, unless I-I is looking for free help. Maybe I-I can look to the South.
February 27, 2007 4:02 AM

ralphweidner said:

first, rollie!  fred was talking about response ability, not responsibility (for).  the latter can leave us feeling guilty, blamed and, in defense, wanting to blame others, pleading or asserting our innocence--i think that was what fred was referring to, anyway.

but both you and nomali have been admirably response able in your individual ways.  it is sad to know you will not be continuing to work together at i-i--you were a wonderful team.  

as members of i-i, i think the rest of us need to ask ourselves whether we are acting response ably, or just responsibly.  are we blaming i-i for whatever problems there are?  or are we recognizing that we, too, can be response able for them, and that neither of us is simply to blame?

the impression i get is that i-i is struggling financially.  i just received their questionnaire.  there are alot of incredible things they want to do, which, inevitably, are going to require alot of money.  are we willing to help them in any reasonable way we can?  
February 27, 2007 11:09 PM

perera said:

My Dear Friends,
I have read the incredible messages you have left here and the many private emails. This is too much to take! I am not worthy!!

Truly, I am touched. Thank You, thank you, thank you.

One thing I must say is that, dear friends, I think it is unfortunate indeed that I was informed via email. But the person who sent it is a dear, dear friend and he did not at all take it flippantly that he had to inform me this way; in fact, he was very sorry he had to be the messenger. And one of the biggest reasons that he decided to email me was because he did not have my Sri Lankan phone numbers and also because he realized that if I knew even a day ahead before my departure to the USA, that I may have chosen to stay on in Sri Lanka, or postpone or take some time to think about what I might want to do since I did not have a job to come back to.

In hindsight, I am sure there were better ways of doing this but it really was done with some good intention behind it – although, it ended up rather emotionally-disastrous, with me lacking internet access in Sri Lanka (which is not the fault of I-I) and hence, finding out in Hong Kong. In my humble opinion, something those who made the lay-off decision really could have done was to first and foremost contact Rollie since he was the Chief Facilitator of ISC and he was one with whom I was working and he knew how to contact me in Sri Lanka. I feel, in a way, that Rollie was not very respected when they chose not to inform him that his co-worker was laid off, that he had to do everything I was doing so far and also take on other duties. As a long time employee of I-I, I really feel he should have been informed, if not consulted.

And as for the decision to lay-off (which happens in all organizations at some point) let’s not also forget that, maybe I just didn’t have the skills that II needed for its Phase 3. I could be just not good enough, guys :-/ So, then, I must push myself off the life boat.right? And other ‘inside’ details – I would have no idea.

And even beyond that, it could also be that a decision that I was afraid to make on my own was made for me. As sad and rejected and all those other ‘lovely’ emotions as I felt, I really do think that this is just the right time for me to move on. I cannot quite tell you yet, but I really think that some amazing doors will open for me ;-)

So, it is indeed sad and frustrating that communication sucked and I-I has a history of sometimes not knowing how to treat its employees/volunteers but then, there were decent intentions behind the email and also, decent and inescapable reasons why it did not work. Eventually, no one is to be blamed for how everything unfolded. I like to believe that we all did the best we could. This is just life doing its thing :-) Meanwhile, there are some people getting bombed, gunned down and little children begging for food in some parts of the world :-(

One thing I have come to realize is that I have a gift – a kind of Sacred Contract that I have to sign with the Divine and manifest. I am not even sure what it is but it could look something like, Relative Time & Meat Space & Virtual Integral Community Development and I promise to you all that I will do all I can to actualize it- hopefully, with your help too…I do not want to leave I-I blaming it for anything. I am ultimately, nobody’s victim.

I thank you again, friends, for the incredible love and care you have show here.
Gosh, I Love You!
PS- I am so sorry, I made you read all that. And it is past my bedtime and I don't know if I made any sense at all!
February 27, 2007 11:20 PM

perera said:

ha ha! For a while, i could not get my long rant above to post. And then, I saw Ralph and I posting almost together! We must have been hitting the Submit button around the same time, tiring the poor system ;-)
February 27, 2007 11:27 PM

tamgoddess said:

There is a deep pathology in this organization, and it starts at the top. Would that it were otherwise. I care, probably too much, about this organization and its survival.

Read what I have to say here:

And here:

March 1, 2007 11:12 AM

adastra said:

Liz, I’ll be responding to those threads in due course.  I’m glad you’ve started them.

NOMALI: “And as for the decision to lay-off (which happens in all organizations at some point) let’s not also forget that, maybe I just didn’t have the skills that II needed for its Phase 3. I could be just not good enough, guys :-/ So, then, I must push myself off the life boat.right? And other ‘inside’ details – I would have no idea.”

Ah, Nomali – you are way too modest (maybe a bit of Turquoise shadow – not recognizing your own greatness – at work?).  I highly respect the graciousness way you are handling all this.  However, I have to reiterate and emphasize some things I feel are important.

You showed up on the forums with your radiant, insightful communion and helped start to make them a warm, welcoming wespace again – following years of mismanagement which I believe derives from a serious blindspot on I-I’s part.  Your warm presence, enthusiasm, open-heartedness and responsiveness to forum concerns were making a big difference – as the responses here and elsewhere have been demonstrating.  Regardless of what I-I is planning for Phase 3, laying you off indicates to me that they continue to miss the importance of the forums as the foundation of everything else they do.  What was that about transcend AND INCLUDE?  Instead I feel the forums have been treated as a cash cow.  Well, MU you, motherfuckers (I say this with love and compassion, and my use of the word “motherfuckers” signifies my sense that feminine nurturing energy and communion are undervalued in this organization).

Nomali, you are exactly what the forums – and therefore I-I, of which the forums are an integral part (or are they?) - need.  That I-I cannot recognize that fact to me indicates big problems or blindspots.

In the shadow concall I neglected to bring up in terms of hypothesized “I-I shadow” the point that often in leadership situations people will not tell the leader certain things because they don’t want to upset him – I know for a fact this has happened with I-I in the past in regards to forum issues - and/or those who “rock the boat” or speak of uncomfortable truths will be sent packing.  I don’t know if that is any part of what’s happened here with the layoff, but it does make me wonder.  This kind of “leadership blindspot” is a form of shadow, in that the head of the organization will thus be unaware of important phenomena unfolding.  Given our interactions on the forum, I can clearly see that you have a perspective that I-I needs badly.

In addition, laying off someone so engaged in the forums results in further disconnection from the lifeblood of those forums, and thus missing out on vital feedback “from the street.”  I’m very saddened and disappointed by this turn of events.

Ken Wilber and the forums provided by Integral Institute have changed my life in deep and profound ways; I bow to you, Ken, in gratitude.  I bow to all those who have shared my journey online and have touched my life in various ways.  I care deeply about the integral mission – enough so to speak publicly what I believe to be important truths which are being missed, to the detriment of I-I and by extension the integral mission.

with love for all,
March 1, 2007 1:35 PM

adastra said:

Here is an email I sent to Ken Wilber as a followup to the Shadow concall; it is of interest here in its discussion of the forums and Nomali's role in them.

Dear Ken

As you requested in our recent conference call on the Shadow chapter of IS, I'm sending you more information on how I feel Turquoise online forums can be nurtured and protected from the slings and arrows of outrageous first tier food fights :)  You are an intellectual and spiritual hero of mine, and it meant a lot to me that you listened so openly and compassionately to what I had to share with you about the forums and the tragic undermining of natural holarchy there by the actions of well-meaning I-I staff members.  In this email I'll try to be as brief as possible, although I would love to say more if you want to discuss it further; there are other moderators and core group members who could offer you valuable feedback as well if you so desire.

The document I referred to you as usefully supplementing the Road Rules for Transformation - Clay Shirkey's “A Group Is Its Own Worst Enemy” - is in my opinion of immense value to people who are trying to moderate or oversee online forums - although I feel it is extremely useful for anyone with a strong stake in the success of such shared virtual spaces.   I have created a summary of key points of that entertaining and fascinating document, and will attach both the summary and the complete article to this message.

In my considered opinion, your “Road Rules” are excellent as is - if properly interpreted and enforced.  At this point I don't feel that supplementary rules are required, although I will continue to consider that possibility.  What is needed is people who deeply understand the forums from the inside, who are acting from turquoise awareness, and who are empowered to take action when necessary to keep things healthy and on track.

Ken, the forums may be more important than you realize.  They are an extremely public face of Integral Institute.  There has been a lot of loving communion in these spaces, and I bow to you in gratitude for providing such places for those of us whose lives have been changed by your great work.  Many close relationships and associations have formed there, deepening the process of transformation and growth; as you know I met my own fiancée Liz Stevenson (aka “Tamgoddess”) there.  Some of us have done very powerful individual and group work, both formally and informally, as a direct result of the forums (e.g. a group of IN members attended an amazing group workshop with Robert Augustus Masters at an Integral Naked Gathering I hosted in Vancouver last summer).

There has been a dark side to the unfolding forum experience as well, due primarily to well-meaning staff mismanagement or simply lack of engagement with the wespace on its own terms.  A series of crises on the forums were grossly mismanaged against the advice of core group members.  As a result, a great many quality high-altitude people have left the forums in disgust over the past several years, and some have very publicly passed judgment on I-I as a result.  Watching this happen has been painful for those of us who care deeply about the integral vision and I-I's attempt to implement it in the world; what has been much more painful is attempting to take action to prevent or ameliorate much of this harm, and being actively prevented from doing so.

Of all the I-I staff who have interacted with the forum in various ways, the shining light and exemplar of what is needed on the I-I side has been Nomali Perera.  She brought to the forums deep engagement, loving communion, a keen appreciation for the dynamics of the forums (which can only be fully appreciated from the inside), penetrating insight, and a willingness to take strong action to protect the space when needed.  She easily perceived and engaged with the core forum members, the natural holarchy that was in place when she showed up.  Great has been our despair to see her leave – please check out the responses to her blog entry announcing her departure.

Ken, when the new forums you mentioned are set up, the early period is extremely critical in forming healthy and sustainable turquoise communities.  The space needs to be nurtured by fully involved people who have a direct connection to I-I – and not as a peripheral, minor add-on to a huge task list, but as a core part of their duties and responsibilities.  I beg you to consider putting Nomali in such a position there or at the very least taking whatever input or advice she would have to offer very seriously.  In addition, I and some of the other moderators (past or present) of I-I forums have valuable, hard-won wisdom to offer you, which we would love to share.

Thank you so much for reading this, and for deeply listening to what I shared on the conference call.  Thank you as well for your body of work, which has deeply touched and transformed my life, and for the openness and engagement you bring to the public offerings of I-I.

arthur (aka “adastra”)
March 1, 2007 1:37 PM

timelody said:

The heading above this comment box says the words: What do you think?

This implies either that Integral Institute is interested to know what I think, or at least interested in individual thoughts being shared in an online community.

So, here is what I think.

I would like to add to what Arthur has just so beautifully stated above.

DEAR NEW I-I CEO (and/or President),

Currently, 2% of the world’s population is at second tier. Only 0.5% at turquoise or higher. Which is to say, as has been said before, second tier, and especially turquoise is a very, very, very LONELY, and by default incredibly sad, place to currently be.

Like many people, the absolute first indication of what this meant and that there was indeed OTHER PEOPLE, other human beings ON THIS PLANET with similar views, similar values, similar goals, similar aspirations, similar trials and tribulations, similar thoughts and slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and similar frequent experienced glimpses (if not full on stability) of what this means, came upon reading the books of Ken Wilber.

Though lauded all along by some, Wilber himself is no stranger to this loneliness . . .

I will not belabor the point. WE NEED THIS COMMUNITY.

Let me emphasize that again in a different way: We need this COMMUNITY.

Honestly, I could give a RATS ASS about “products and services” the “look and feel” and “ease of use” of the multiplex . . . Sure, out of the 7 or so months I have been an IN Premier member I have only received about 3 CD/DVD’s in the mail . . . But I don’t give a rats ass about that.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about I-I’s EXTERIOR QUADRANTS. I do and always have and always will continue to take the eventual maturation of that as a given, to eventuate beautifully in the coming of time.

The UL (both zones) of I-I, too, are already taken care of –by Ken.

But what is NOT being taken seriously, or not seriously ENOUGH is the LL of Integral Institute.  Or should I say, the LL that is formed out of PEOPLE connecting on a turquoise or second tier level from ALL OVER THE WORLD –making connections that otherwise would NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER be made, on these forums and in posts like this.

I don’t give a rats ass about “my” UR/LR “products and services” . . . I give a rats ass about being able to FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE (or the last 17 long and lonely years) being able to TALK WITH OTHER INTEGRAL FOLKS. I give a rat’s ass about that LL MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. I am a human being – I need to connect with other human beings.

Exterior products and services can - come along and say it with me everyone! -simply such my dick!

What kind of flatland orange freaking bullshit absolutizes exterior products and services? I mean this as sarcastically as possible in writting; Wuh-ow!

Ken’s blog requested a TURQUOISE CEO. PLEASE, new I-I CEO, if you ARE turquoise STOP NEGLECTING THIS COMMUNITY.

When I-I opened it’s virtual doors last June, what a joy what a delight. This place was hopping and on fire. And there were concerted efforts to BUILD COMMUNITY. Staff members were talking to us, there was that now long lost and forgotten “Member of the Month” feature, there was the wonderful “I-I What’s New” weekly blog which summarized the HUMAN LIFE on the forums. What a THRILL to see that WE –yes, that’s WE, WE, WE, WE, WE, WE, WE-were being FEATURED as “What’s freaking NEW at Integral Institute!!!” All my friends –these people’s thoughts and feelings and discussions and human interactions and lives and Spirits were What was new! at I-I.

And then . . . gone. Over. Done.


Well, it would be nice to actually be able to know or tell the full story but I don’t exactly know what that is. What I do know is that the moment that the last first official I-I CEO took the job COMMUNITY went to hell in hand basket. Five –nearly six-months ago this forum community died. And it was not a quiet death either. Just a death that went unnoticed or uncared for . . . which is exactly WHY it died. None of the problems that caused it have been solved. Nor has there yet been any hope of that.

To add insult to injury the old interim CEO took it upon himself to FINALLY make some connection with the community (i.e. through the forums!!!) after he had been fired (one of the reasons for which in his own words was the criticism that he –and many staff-were too agentic and NOT COMMUNAL, to which I say, DUH!) and set about the lovely self absorbed process of essentially causing the schism of all schisms in this community and killing it once and for all for sure. Pivotal to STOPPING this was, indeed, Nomali who was the only person BRAVE enough to TAKE IT UPON HERSELF to protect I-I and Ken Wilber while HE was, literally, dying.

One has to wonder what would have happened if things had been otherwise. In fact, quite frankly, please let me emphasize this as heavily as possible:


All the former CEO could say was something to the affect of “Okay, I’ll shut up until Ken not sick anymore.”

Enough. Here is my point.

Dear New CEO (and maybe Ken too?),

Where is the new paid position for overseeing the health of Integral Institute’s LL?

We are supposed to be AQAL Integral here. Why then only 3 of the Four Quads getting so much attention?

Does not that AQAL map, by default, tell us that NONE OF THE OTHER QUADS CAN EXIST WITHOUT THE OTHERS? Does anybody really hope to create a sustainable UR/LR without a healthy LL? As I have said the UL is taken care of.

But the money for whatever “products and services” and infrastructure are ever going to be possible comes from US.

Rollie, and sometimes other have attempted to reassure that we are valued and appreciated. And indeed, every scrap of acknowledgement we all (or at least everyone I know in that 2%-0.5%) eat that up and value it like gold . . .

But it’s not enough.

Someone needs to be paid to manage a healthy I-I LL, the ideas for which are all already there . . . but the management and leadership is not and has not been for far too long.

How do you expect to foster an evolution of consciousness, without facilitating the bonding of a worldwide community-together? Please let me reiterate, this was already happening . . . and then it died. Not through our fault, but through Integral Institute’s as an organization.

That, um, really sucks, ya know? Are we in this for real or what? Who in the hell, in the United States especially, needs more Exterior “products and services?” I don’t give a dingbat-donkey’s yin/yang WHAT they are. I NEED PEOPLE! I NEED HUMAN BIENGS! Wilber books are fun to read, but they don’t listen to or hear me when I talk. Recorded dialogs thill me to no end, but as far as COMMUNION don’t go very far.

In fact, all that that stuff does is excite me and thus ISOLATE ME MORE AND REITERATE THE POINT THAT I LIVE A LIFE ALL ALONE!

What do I need?


And I can’t just now move to Boulder, nor can everybody, and nor should everyone have to!

Seminars . . . too infrequent, and not everyone can attend. Concalls, WONDERFUL!!! But the same as above.

It is the same with “Member services” and 1-800 numbers and all that jazz. That’s never worked for these problems in the past and nor should they because THOSE ARE ALL EXTERIOR UR/LR CONCERNS!

Might I sound like a teenager for a minute, but Hello? A phone call to I-I member services is NOT going to fulfill my HUMAN NEEDS for connecting in a “we” fashion with other (0.5%) HUMAN BIENGS!

We need I-I to take these forums seriously. We need I-I to CARE about this child’s malnourishment and . . . death! But as we all know, caring shmaring, we need Integral Institute to DO something about it. To care enough to ACT on it and DO something. We need I-I to value the burgeoning life of its own LL.


As one final note, I would like to add this.

If the new I-I CEO actually responds to this -and doesn’t wait until he is fired and is no longer working for I-I to give a rats ass about I-I’s LL- I will actually go outside, pick up a brick, eat it and then shit it out. At risk of serious damage to my Exterior insides, I will actually facilitate the literal shitting of a brick.

If the new Phase II-III(?) infrastructure actually ACTS upon this, I will not only do that again, but I will video tape it and send it to I-I.

I certainly hope for a response . . . . but something is telling me not to hold my breath.

March 1, 2007 9:32 PM

ralphweidner said:

i'm a little embarrased by my previous comment, specifically, the school teacher in me that just had to point out the shortcomings of rollie's conventional spelling of responsibility.  rollie, my deepest apologies.  i guess i also didn't want to come across as too much of a sycophant in praising you and nomali, both of you having become so dear to my i-i experience.

if it's anywhere near as bad as i'm now hearing, i'm afraid you, too, may decide to leave, and that would be a tragedy it seems to me.  my impression is that you and nomali were moderating the ISC forums, but whatever happened late last year was not something you could effectively address, given the circumstances.  but i know very little of what was actually going on other than the signs of exquisite moderation on both your parts.  i sometimes went a little wayward in my posts, and i thought you handled it very well.  i felt like i was learning from you, however slow a learner i might be.

i feel that those who have already posted here are exceptionally talented individuals, like you and nomali.  i am absolutely sure that i-i and especially ken would want to work with them if it is at all possible.  something to keep in mind, though, is that the forums are by no means a 'cash cow', as well as i can tell.  even in the more hectic days of last summer i don't think there were more than, say, 50 members active in the forums during a given week out of a membership of, what?, something like 10,000?  i would have been one of those 50, but what i valued most were the audio/visual/textual offerings from IN and ISC.

i, too, hunger for community, but it seems to me we have to be more realistic about this than we have been--and more patient.  i-i is not yet on its feet.  it will only make it through this year because of generous donations and loans, especially from jeff salzman (sp?).  how will it be able to pay its own way next year, as well as the loan, if it does not dramatically increase its income, without overly increasing its new expenses, for more paid workers, for example?

the impression of a relatively new member,

March 2, 2007 12:16 AM

pelleB said:

Ralph, I do think the forums are much more important than the management of I-I realizes. I explain why this is in the following post:


March 2, 2007 2:19 AM

adastra said:

Timelody, I could kiss you for that beautiful post.  You argued very eloquently in favor of the importance of the LL and its neglect here on the part of I-I (with the radiant exception of dear Nomali).  I found this part of your post hilarious:

"If the new I-I CEO actually responds to this -and doesn’t wait until he is fired and is no longer working for I-I to give a rats ass about I-I’s LL- I will actually go outside, pick up a brick, eat it and then shit it out. At risk of serious damage to my Exterior insides, I will actually facilitate the literal shitting of a brick.

"If the new Phase II-III(?) infrastructure actually ACTS upon this, I will not only do that again, but I will video tape it and send it to I-I. "

OK, I *really* want to see that videotape - could you make it a digital version so it can easily be posted (and probably become one of the most popular videos of all time here - no reason why Stuart Davis (who I'm SEEING IN CONCERT TOMORROW, WHEEEEEEEEEE!) should hog all the "Jackass" action).

As for "member of the month," this gives me a great idea for a monthly photo-contest among the male forum participants.  Hey, anything I - or my unit - can do to further the growth (ahem) of integral consciousness is a good thing.

smirking from my higher self,
March 2, 2007 11:08 AM

adastra said:

Hi Ralph

Consider that there may be far more lurkers than people actively posting; indeed most forums are like that, as well as having a lot of people who post occasionally and lurk frequently.  Also bear in mind that the individual posts are googleable.  What are the lurkers and surfers seeing when they encounter the forum - a healthy, vibrant Turquoise community?  That's what I'd like them to see, and encountering such a space would tend to draw people in.  But what people actually encounter is, sadly, very far from that ideal and does not reflect well on either I-I or the integral scene in general.

When the forum was relatively healthy - we're going WAY back in time here - I was enthusiastically recommending it to people, sending links to particularly juicy discussions, etc.  But for a very long time I haven't been doing that - because I didn't want to actually DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY from the integral movement.  

I have also seen, in the course of my years on the forum, some very important feedback come up from the membership, and those of us who took on the task of moderating as best we could - before, during, and after having that official status - were well aware of feedback that would have been of benefit to Ken and I-I, yet that feedback wasn't getting through.  It has also been heartbreaking to see people come along who had talent, intelligence, turquoise awareness, and a great longing to contribute to I-I and the integral movement in any way they could - and who could not hook up with I-I in any meaningful way, and finally gave up.  Or who were stymied by I-I issues that were obvious to us, but which we were unable to communicate to anybody who could or would do anything about it.  

In many ways the forums represent a vital resource that is being wasted.


March 2, 2007 11:25 AM

rollie said:

I want to thank each of you, who have reflected my heart so faithfully in the exquisite, devestating discussion of "A Letter from Nomali."  We could continue this discussion for the ages (and we probably will...)  But meantime I have posted this week's offerings on the ISC blog.  I feel an incredible kinship with all of you, and will try to be present as best I can, in the footsteps of the Presence that our beloved Nomali has shared with us.  Much love to you all,

March 2, 2007 12:19 PM

timelody said:

I justed wanted to ma
ke there was a clear update here. There has been some wonderful I-I and CEO response to this here ( ) for which, we are all very thankful.

Arthur, hmm, I'm betting my wife might like to see me do . . that . . as perhaps a sentiment of attempted empathy for the birth she is going to have to give in a few weeks. It just might happen . . . I'm sure it might at least be more exciting that a video of you kissing me -but, hey, ya never know . . .

Of course we did this together. I probably never wouldn't have said a word if not for the inspiration of you too-whom I see shall never give up- and there would, of course, be nothing to rant for without all of us.

Kudos and much love to Rollie, Ralph and everyone else too!
March 2, 2007 2:13 PM

duke12 said:

Nomali is/was an invaluable asset to II/ISC. My partication in the "Community" has been only as a "lurker"(per adastra). It just seems to me that there is some level at which sentient beings would be more sensative!!!!! There is a big problem here!!

March 2, 2007 10:49 PM

ralphweidner said:

hi pelle, arthur and tim,

the three of you just happen to be such a good example of how potentially valuable the i-i forums can be--what an incredibly rich diversity of perspective we get, and have gotten in the past, from just the three of you, not to mention the many others.  and the integral vision, to the extent we open ourselves to it, makes it possible for us to hear from you in a way that builds from your individual perspectives a much larger perspective than anyone of us could have envisioned on our own.   i hope you can continue to do this in conjunction hallie mellon.

hallie, of course i miss nomali, but i certainly don't hold that against you.  i will do my best to be of help to you, although you've rendered me speechless at this point by how well you've grasped the situation--anything i might say now would only distract from what a good beginning you've made.

welcome aboard,


March 3, 2007 2:11 AM

perera said:

“Ayubowan!” (traditional Sri Lankan greeting. It means, May you be blessed with long and healthy Life.)

And so my friends, I signed ‘the papers’ today, picked up a ‘severance check’ and officially finalized my Good Bye to I-I.

Honestly, my friends, your love and support, Vidyuddeva’s chocolates, Lauren’s red roses, Liz & Arthur’s really big balls, and much more both here and via emails (countless) really helped me much in this transition (I apologize for the ones I am yet to reply).

I am also super-excited to say that an absolutely AMAZING being has invited me to work/join in a FANTASTIC adventure in spirituality. My dedication to integrity and my best efforts at a life path of integral altruism continues…

Explicitly and/or implicitly, I believe that there was an underlying issue that was the case in most of the comments here (and related ‘nuggets’ that popped up) – and while I and we tried our best to implement some of it, I do not feel we were heard. Well, it sure as heck created a whirlwind this time and YOU have FINALLY been heard :o) I think we can all afford to take a little pride in that (especially, Liz and Arthur) ;-) I am probably the happiest that these steps have been taken by II, after all. I wish you and lovely Hallie, all the best in creating the most cutting edge, turquoise-shadow-free, integral community!

And if any of you are in Boulder, CO, let’s have the world’s best chai at the Tea House!

Thank you and adios, my friends!
Love, Light and Delight, and big, wet, kissy-kissies just like the ones my cocker spaniel would give,
March 6, 2007 12:21 AM

yeshepelmo said:


I was so sorry to hear that you will no longer be with I-I.  I am so grateful to you for always alerting me to events at ISC. I will miss you dearly. And the manner in which you were told, regardless of the circumstances, is indeed lacking any sensitivity.

I wish you Godspeed in your journey.

March 14, 2007 7:38 PM
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