have heard the alanis dialogue .. she was obviously born at a high structure .. and that is my goal in life

to be born at a higher structure next time than this particular bodymind was

to be born closer to the way alanis was born .. already understanding so much

sam had asked me the other day, aren't u jealous of women who can wear their hair parted to the side ? .. and i answered no i'm jealous of women with PhD's

actually things like a PhD are lines not structures .. it makes so much sense that the structures we reach will transmigrate .. but lines would too, would they not ??

and speaking of which, in the current practice of reading the scientific book 'irreducible mind'

in chapter three, emily provides all kinds of examples where the person's 'state' affected their physical wellness .. after loves ones die .. belief in predictions (whether from doctors, fortune tellers or family members) .. religious experiences ..

but the chapter has just begun

sitting at the malt shop reading .. face buried in my book .. a man comes and sits at the next table .. i don't look up but keep on reading .. not paying attention to what he is saying .. thinking by the sounds of his voice that it's an old man talking on a cell phone

eventually i stop reading and look up at him .. surprised to find a young man .. couldn't be older than twenty-two or twenty-three

he is talking to himself .. and he looks psychologically disturbed .. sounding like an old man .. agressively saying things like .. i won't hurt u .. i love u .. still u say no to me ..

a BIG DARK WAVE of pain enters my being .. it is HIS pain and i know he is repeating what was said to him .. and i weep for him .. my heart tears into shreds for him .. as he gets up and walks away 

a young man the age of my son

this man too my son .. and all i can do is send him love from my core to his

the downtown biz patrol do a pretty good job keeping the panhandlers at bay .. but some make it thru and today standing at city place waiting for the 37 to take me home

a slightly intoxicated woman wanders amongst us asking for $$ and along with everyone else i say sorry no .. for our usual gig of: we mustn't be enablers 

but there was something in her ...

then a little game .. if it's not the 37 .. i'm giving her my toonie    

and of course it's not the 37 .. so i reach in and pull out the coin and go to her and touch her arm .. and in a reflex-action she entends her open cupped hand to receive

something connects between us as we stand there looking at each others' eyes .. and she looks at the new gloves from sam on my hands and says

i lost my mits

u lost your mits ? i ask .. and she says .. as the 37 approaches and i run for the bus .. as if a light bulb just went on in her .. she says but i remember where i left them!

plopping down in my seat .. wishing only that i had given her my gloves .. as the light in her eyes warms my heart

on thanksgiving .. this bodymind .. this separate self .. is sooo thankful for the many blessings upon herself and upon this manifest world

for there is life and there is love and there is consciousness

the prayer without ceasing of the thankful heart

x x x o o o

during the moving meditation .. thoughts about evolution led to a sudden vision  .. hundreds of thousands of human bodies all giving birth to new human bodies out of their bodies

and those born giving birth out of their bodies in a continuous flow of emergence

appearing from the distance as one organ .. but that what is really going on is so much more than that

chapter three (which am still not finished reading) of irreducible mind, continues with more examples of excursions beyond the normal

like the placebo effect, false pregnancy, multiple personalities, stigmata and other spontaneous wounding or bruising

much of which is dismissed as being unreliable or distorted antedotes .. or as chance .. or by explaining the physical correlate

and thru out the running themes are .. correlation is not causation .. and HOW is the meaning of events translated into our physiology ?

actually ... even "how the intention to raise an arm translates into the appropriate motor response remains a mystery, encapsulating the mind-body problem in its essence"

i went into his room as he lay dying .. and said his name .. he opened his eyes recognizing me and smiled

and in a moment of sheer and utter clarity saw his son sitting on his right and his wife on his left and he began to glow with an obvious joy that filled the room

and his inner fire lit us up like three candles

everything