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Dead Forever?

Last post 10-13-2007, 10:04 AM by tamgoddess. 279 replies.
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  •  05-25-2007, 10:03 AM 23296 in reply to 23261

    Re: Dead Forever?

    Corey,

    Thanks for taking this action. 

    Much appreciated.

     

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  •  05-25-2007, 6:20 PM 23312 in reply to 23292

    Re: Dead Forever?

    sorry for being rude, tim  :(

     

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  •  05-25-2007, 7:16 PM 23315 in reply to 23312

    Re: Dead Forever?

    That means a lot fairyfaye Smile [:)] . . .but I'm pretty sure there's nothing that could ever make me stop thinking the world of you!

    Group hug!

    Peace me fairy,

    Tim

     


    "With whom or with what are you in communion at this moment?"
    . . ."I?" he replied, almost mechanically. "Why not with anyone or anything."
    "You must be a marvel . . . if you are able to continue in that state for long."
    -Constantin Stanislavsky
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  •  05-25-2007, 8:55 PM 23319 in reply to 23315

    Re: Dead Forever?

    xxxooo

     

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  •  05-26-2007, 4:08 PM 23361 in reply to 23195

    Re: Dead Forever?

    ambosuno:
    Hi Jess - I think your "perhaps just let it all crumble away into dust" resonates with the thread title of Dead Forever. I'm also aware of your taken name and the rising-from-the-ashes possibility. Every week or two, I have a need for rising from the ashes of my own fallen self esteem and enthusiasm/hope/faith for the forum, but that has happened with any forum I've been a part of since 1999.

    I'm guessing that often the impetus has come from a strong sense of dislike for certain "games" (a la Dmitri's Eric Berne's reference), certain voices (maybe even a "chemistry" thing beyond the garden variety judgment thing that I do), an inner frenetic energy feel of the activity that used to be here, anger around the teachings or my projected sense of Ken - well it's all projected I suppose. Sometimes the urge to drop out seems to arise more immediately out of my own inner capacity to relate or connect, my own  limited and/or disheveled-feeling self-esteem, my deep feeling of the-and-my blah, blah, blah, of futility of this endeavor, and futility of any endeavor. Occasionally, if I say something that is pointed, controversial, or likely to ruffle in-group members' feathers, or if I say something that is ill-considered on my part, spontaneous and disorganized, or reflecting dubiously on my self or some aspect of my self that I hold precious, or if my inner childhood geek/nerd/kook/loser fears are awoken I feel fear or shame and I want to drop out. Most or all of what I've mentioned have to do with me and how I react and navigate myself.

    I did drop out from participation and much reading of this place because some of the judgments and feelings got too strong.

    One thing maybe going in my favor is that my tenacity can rise me from the ashes, and my apparent intermittently activated committment for transparency, for burning my own bridges to avoidance and escape, are tenacious. I suspect that there are important things for me to learn in groups and forums and I too have a major slice of intellectual snobbery that I think isn't alien to this forum. I am having to learn so much to stay here. In increments I am understanding more and sometimes appreciatng more of the cognitively favored approach of Ken and forum members. Sometimes however I feel this cognition as very irritating and pretentious, and that's partly why I didn't participate in II/zaadz. I think that in the main, I appreciated the forum here more after the exodus. It felt less frenetic, gamey, self-important, and other judgements. It could be that the forum has felt at times too chaotic for the narrow band of my sensibilities. And I am accepting more of reality these days, including my own great limitations and flaws, and, again my tenacity for rising from my own burnings apparently are not insubstantial.

    Lately I've been wondering about and experimenting with being a little more co-creative, perhaps, pro-active or active rather than reactive.

    So, Jessica, relating back to you now, I'm glad that you phoenix on up from ashes, again and again as you feel the impulse to do so.

    Best of luck with all of your sticks that are in the fire. Smiles. Ambo


    Big Smile [:D]  Smiles.  Ambo, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you.  First I have to say that I actually felt bad after I wrote that post and went back and erased it...I was surprised when I realized you had caught it and then quoted it.  Secondly, I can't really put my finger on it, but when I read what you write I always feel uplifted, sighs, Thank God, because sometimes this multiplex of supposed higher selves speaking thru multi filter layers f vmemestages and with dulity-represion-projection issues is overwhelming.  I can't seem to break my language down eenought to be understood sometimes or even lift it up enough in some cases, it's terrible often times, but always dear you lighten it up, and you are not the only one.  Their are other blessed souls that seem to just suck the tension right out of the computer screen and light it up with some sort of eccentric love. ( I believe I need that skill.) So from the fires I rise love, today just for you, smiles.  Rising Above Mediocrity to sore with Ambo ever higher in the multiplex.
    eros y agape
    Jess

    Phoenix Rising Higher
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  •  05-27-2007, 4:00 AM 23385 in reply to 23296

    Re: Dead Forever?

    ginny:

    Corey,

    Thanks for taking this action. 

    Much appreciated.

     

    I second that emotion.

    The forum has been in a prolonged malaise.  This action was good medicine.

    Smile [:)]

     


    'This is all the time you'll ever have'.
    ~ Dr Hannibal Lecter
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  •  05-27-2007, 5:33 AM 23387 in reply to 23385

    Re: Dead Forever?


    david,

    i'm glad to know you haven't left. it looks like it may still be awhile before all this is sorted out.

    ralph

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  •  05-27-2007, 9:03 AM 23394 in reply to 23385

    Re: Dead Forever?

    Good to see your face, David. Ambo

    Ambo Suno
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  •  05-27-2007, 2:14 PM 23407 in reply to 23387

    Re: Dead Forever?

    ralphweidner:
    david, i'm glad to know you haven't left. it looks like it may still be awhile before all this is sorted out. ralph

    Hi Ralph, Ambo and all

    Well, I look at it as a fallow period, you know - not much growing but at least when shoots appear they'll have a better chance!    I've been here all along, though I pretty much retreated to my bunker on the Integral Relationships thread, where I had some good company.  And where we succeeded in nurturing some well-received positivity, if 55,000 (!) hits is anything to go by....

    Good wishesSmile [:)]


    'This is all the time you'll ever have'.
    ~ Dr Hannibal Lecter
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  •  05-27-2007, 3:20 PM 23409 in reply to 23407

    Re: Dead Forever?

    55,000 -boy your sure know how to pick 'em David!

    This one's not doing too bad after less than a week. Just what I was hoping for.

    Smiles all.

    Tim


    "With whom or with what are you in communion at this moment?"
    . . ."I?" he replied, almost mechanically. "Why not with anyone or anything."
    "You must be a marvel . . . if you are able to continue in that state for long."
    -Constantin Stanislavsky
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    • Report abuse
  •  05-27-2007, 8:29 PM 23433 in reply to 23361

    Re: Dead Forever?

    Hi Jess -

    Smiles.  Ambo, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you.
    Not a problem. By the way, though I've used variant phrases for "Smiles", you've got me saying it more - I hope you don't mind.

    First I have to say that I actually felt bad after I wrote that post and went back and erased it...I was surprised when I realized you had caught it and then quoted it.
    I feel a little badly that you erased it. It seemed to me that you were out there pretty far in transparency, and painful though that can be, it seems to be often a good thing. We own our various aspects, "sub-personalities", fragments. And I censor myself too. I often respect Ken when he gets himself into hot water for letting some fragment rip loose. Many people get one schtick going and work that one eloquently, til they appear avartaresque - though they are not avartars. Come to think of it, what's an avatar?

    Secondly, I can't really put my finger on it, but when I read what you write I always feel uplifted, sighs,
    I usually feel grateful for a sweet response when one of my fragments riffs-off a pleasing one to someone - an apparently rose scented mindfart - to borrow a phrase from George Carlin.

    Their are other blessed souls that seem to just suck the tension right out of the computer screen and light it up with some sort of eccentric love.
    I can definitely relate to the eccentric part - since I have trouble finding the center - except occasionally I feel as though I'm in the center of a moment.

    I believe I need that skill.
    I get that from you plenty. Like many of us you may get into polarized positions and locked into those debative pissing contests (have I overstepped my goodwill capital, here.) , but you don't fool us, marshmallow girl, who rises from the fire (though I gather from your self description - Jeez, I hope I'm not wrong here - a finely toasted one). Your firey sense of justice seems right along side of your "eccentric love".

    Rising Above Mediocrity to sore with Ambo ever higher in the multiplex.
    Within this crew here and from reading on other integral sites, I'd be tickled with mediocrity - I could stop climbing so desperately.

    Smiles, Ambo

    Ambo Suno
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  •  05-27-2007, 10:15 PM 23438 in reply to 23433

    Re: Dead Forever?

    What are you two smoking?   I should have known Ambo that you had a trashy side and your were not interested in an older woman after all.  Or as Jess calls it "elderly woman.  And you want her to watch Caveman Valentine with you.  What is the

    Kosmos coming to?  Think I will go watch Paris Hiton on Simple Life.  Actually I was earlier.  She and her buddy had to fix the sign at Sonic in a town called Altman -  67 people.    They did.  It said Anal wiener burgers half price.   Now that was funny  watching the citizens coming alive. Made me want to go down to the Elks club where really old men always feel up the women.  You two have a way to go since right now you are just star gazin.   How booorrring.  Whatever happened to Shataran and all those eloquent thoughts.  David better crank up that thread again.  About relationships.   And Tim I like your picture.   When I learn how,  Ineed to put mine up so you guys will learn to respect the elderly.   If I am not writing, I will be lurking.  What an attractive word.   How fun.    Pattye

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  •  05-27-2007, 10:15 PM 23439 in reply to 23433

    Re: Dead Forever?

    What are you two smoking?   I should have known Ambo that you had a trashy side and your were not interested in an older woman after all.  Or as Jess calls it "elderly woman.  And you want her to watch Caveman Valentine with you.  What is the

    Kosmos coming to?  Think I will go watch Paris Hiton on Simple Life.  Actually I was earlier.  She and her buddy had to fix the sign at Sonic in a town called Altman -  67 people.    They did.  It said Anal wiener burgers half price.   Now that was funny  watching the citizens coming alive. Made me want to go down to the Elks club where really old men always feel up the women.  You two have a way to go since right now you are just star gazin.   How booorrring.  Whatever happened to Shataran and all those eloquent thoughts.  David better crank up that thread again.  About relationships.   And Tim I like your picture.   When I learn how,  Ineed to put mine up so you guys will learn to respect the elderly.   If I am not writing, I will be lurking.  What an attractive word.   How fun.    Pattye

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  •  05-27-2007, 11:10 PM 23443 in reply to 23438

    Re: Dead Forever?

    "I should have known Ambo that you had a trashy side and your were not interested in an older woman after all.  Or as Jess calls it "elderly woman."

    Patty, I make no claims - older, younger, elderly, trashy, neatly policed, eloquent thoughts or goofball. I'm not even sure what your "interested" would look like. But hey, I like the window displays.

     "And you want her to watch Caveman Valentine with you."
    So you're feeling a little left out of the movie invitation.
    "Made me want to go down to the Elks club where really old men always feel up the women."
    Two other films I liked from several years ago, that you might appreciate, given the feel tone of your Elks Club fantasies, come to mind. Like it a little rough and gnarly, do you? Ironweed. Barfly. Consider that a movie invitation. Chuckles, Ambo


    Ambo Suno
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  •  05-27-2007, 11:39 PM 23447 in reply to 23443

    Re: Dead Forever?

    Looks like the old folks are about to get it on...

    Is this what you had in mind, Tim?

     

     

     

     

     

    "Dead forever" my ass!  :D


    May the boundless knowledge that time presents and space allows illuminate the native perspectives of your original face.

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