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I fucking hate...

Last post 12-23-2006, 3:54 AM by jwcargile. 69 replies.
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  •  08-04-2006, 3:02 AM 3180

    I fucking hate...

    ...God, sometimes.  Seriously, what a sadistic, disconsolate cunt She can be.  And you know what?  I know without a doubt that She so fucking LOVES my hate for Her.  It's beautiful, really.  And that just pisses me off even more.
    __________________________

    Corey W. deVos (dj rekluse)
    Brand Manager, Integral Naked
    Audio Manager, Integral Institute
    Managing Editor, KenWilber.com
    __________________________
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  •  08-04-2006, 3:53 AM 3184 in reply to 3180

    Re: I fucking hate...

    'Aint that the truth.  The worst thing for me is that not only does sie love my hate, but sie never replies when you curse hir for it... so irritating.  Sie could at least tell me to grow up and quit my whining.  But no, the fucker just witnesses and accepts that for what it is, too.

    Gavin

    Haunted by the familiarity of inner softness behind frozen eyes
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  •  08-04-2006, 3:51 PM 3258 in reply to 3180

    Re: I fucking hate...

    Corey, what moved you to write this?  Witnessing what is happening to Ken, who means so much to all of us?
    May the boundless knowledge that time presents and space allows illuminate the native perspectives of your original face.

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  •  08-04-2006, 4:23 PM 3264 in reply to 3258

    Re: I fucking hate...

    I saw this subject line in the "posts you have not read." Before I even read the post, I was thinking much the same thing. I hate this awakening shit, wish I'd never even thought about it. It sucks not being able to nurse a grudge or get self-righteous or break up with my damned cheating ex-husband without being compelled to look at what my part in my own pain is.

    I look at people I know who are happily unaware of anything, and I think I'm an idiot.

    Right there with you, Corey. Let's go get drunk.

    Liz
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  •  08-04-2006, 4:41 PM 3269 in reply to 3264

    • maryw is not online. Last active: 12-02-2007, 1:05 AM maryw
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    Re: I fucking hate...

    I fucking hate boiled okra. It has the consistency of dog saliva. That is some nasty shit!

    Mary


    Let the beauty we love be what we do.
    There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

    ~Rumi
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  •  08-04-2006, 4:49 PM 3270 in reply to 3264

    Re: I fucking hate...

    i look at the post here and think  wots up with everyone's points!??? kinda irritating if you ask me...some, pushing or  past thousnads! already? Super Angry [8o|]

    h

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  •  08-04-2006, 4:57 PM 3272 in reply to 3264

    Re: I fucking hate...

    tamgoddess:
    I saw this subject line in the "posts you have not read." Before I even read the post, I was thinking much the same thing. I hate this awakening shit, wish I'd never even thought about it. It sucks not being able to nurse a grudge or get self-righteous or break up with my damned cheating ex-husband without being compelled to look at what my part in my own pain is. I look at people I know who are happily unaware of anything, and I think I'm an idiot. Right there with you, Corey. Let's go get drunk. Liz

    Wow, so now you know what is is really like within The Seventh Circle . . .

    And guess what, it get's worse. St. Teresa was not always constantly down on herself for nothing. Self mortification? Well, there is really something to it when you would realize how even now, even with this SLIGHTEST of egoic conplaint . . . I, you, we and all the rest are UTTERLY RAPING THE KOSMOS. Um hmm, yeah. You're a rapist. And now me too for saying that becasue I am pissed off about it! Shit! Now I know why they ran to the woods for the rest of their lives!

    And wanna talk about relationships . . . . Just today (and the past few days) have had to wage a pretty intense inner battle over speaking honestly to my IGNORANTLY within the hell realm brother.

    If I talk, it only creates more Hell -he ain't getting out and I get dragged in. And is it not self absorbed to believe I can get him out in the first plcae? Or is it so to leave him?

    SHIT!

    Oh, and send a fuck you from me to your ex-husbad, the ignorant selfish shit. (husbad? that's good misspelling.)


    "With whom or with what are you in communion at this moment?"
    . . ."I?" he replied, almost mechanically. "Why not with anyone or anything."
    "You must be a marvel . . . if you are able to continue in that state for long."
    -Constantin Stanislavsky
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  •  08-04-2006, 5:22 PM 3286 in reply to 3272

    Re: I fucking hate...

    Mary, you're supposed to fry it. But, yeah, why bother? It's snot masquerading as a vegetable.

    Tim, watch out. I hate you, too, for telling me that. Goddamnitalltohell.

    Corey-this too shall pass.

    I love you guys.

    Liz
    Upgrade to ISC!
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  •  08-04-2006, 5:52 PM 3291 in reply to 3258

    Re: I fucking hate...

    balder:
    Corey, what moved you to write this?  Witnessing what is happening to Ken, who means so much to all of us?

    I am even now hesitant to say this, but there has been on this forum already at least one seriously, slightly sadistic comment about Ken . . . and I have been wrestling about calling this person out on it . . . here within the Seventh Circle. In fact, I even thought about offering myself to be the 7th Circle Moderator-dragging people and their shadows, here into Hell where they belong . . .

    But SHIT! How much Hell can one person take when it's not fucking mine to begin with!

    And then again, to leave it? On a deeper level is is mine!

    . . . . I'm still with you Tam. Those Boomeritis bliss shits never told you . . . waking the fuck up  . . . . . . . . .  sucks.

    A Weeping Buddha to you all.


    "With whom or with what are you in communion at this moment?"
    . . ."I?" he replied, almost mechanically. "Why not with anyone or anything."
    "You must be a marvel . . . if you are able to continue in that state for long."
    -Constantin Stanislavsky
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  •  08-04-2006, 6:19 PM 3295 in reply to 3291

    Re: I fucking hate...

    Tim, I don't know what post you're referring to, but it might be wiser to take care of it via PM. Take it from one who knows! Maybe you misunderstood?

    As for waking up...I chose it, fair and square. I don't think any sort of warning would have made any difference. I was compelled. It still sucks.

    And my heart and love are going out to those who have seen and suffered along with Ken. Hope you guys are feeling all our prayers going out to you.

    Liz
    Upgrade to ISC!
    http://www.integralinstitute.org/public/static/multispirit.aspx
    http://pods.zaadz.com/ii
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  •  08-04-2006, 6:56 PM 3299 in reply to 3295

    Re: I fucking hate...

    Oh, I know. It's really a lot like parenthood . . . nobody ever could have explained, ya just gotta go there for yourself . . .

    As for a PM, thought about it also, but for now I am just going to let it go. (And yes, I am aware it could just be poor speech . . . but I am just looking out for Ken . . .)


    "With whom or with what are you in communion at this moment?"
    . . ."I?" he replied, almost mechanically. "Why not with anyone or anything."
    "You must be a marvel . . . if you are able to continue in that state for long."
    -Constantin Stanislavsky
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  •  08-04-2006, 8:05 PM 3310 in reply to 3180

    • geomo is not online. Last active: 03-14-2007, 1:33 PM geomo
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    Re: I fucking hate...

    A friend of mine (no.1) was at a retreat last month, and he was dealing with his God-hate.  One of the more advanced retreatants (also a friend of mine) read a bit from Swami Ramdas to no.1 and he went into a samadhi.  Swami Ramdas was a very devotional Hindu sage known to have talks with Divine Mother (as in he spoke, she listened and responded).  Here's part of the passage that was read to no.1, from "At the Feet of God":

    "Q. O Mother, your name is Ram.  What is  your form since name and form always go together?
    A. I am without name and form.  To realise me, as without these, O Ramdas, you have first to assume me as having them.
    Q. You are one, but the universe is full of diversity; it is made up of millions of forms.  How is this, Mother?
    A. I am one, formless and nameless.  I choose to be many.  Hence I have to assume forms without which I cannot be many.
    Q. You are eternal, but how is it that your forms are perishable?
    A. It is as it should be.  When One is real, many must be unreal.  So form is born, remains for a time and then dies: birth, change, growth and dissolution -- that is the nature of forms.
    Q. How can you exists, O Mother, when your forms perish?
    A. Just as, child, the gold remains even after the ornament is melted, during which process it loses its form, as also in the case of a lump of ice, which loses its form under heat, but the water, of which it is made, remains.
    Q. Why did you wish to be many?
    A. I desired to have a play, and a play cannot be, unless there be more than one.  Hence I had to manifest myself as many.
    Q. What do you gain by this play?
    A. Anandam -- supreme bliss.
    Q. How can you speak of bliss, O Mother, when the world is seen to be full of misery?
    A. Understand, my child, it is I myself acting as miserable, happy, angry, etc.
    Q. How can you be acting as miserable and remain unaffected at the same time?
    A. Acting is always an appearance; it does not affect the actor.  An actor pretends to be weeping while all the time he remains internally, at heart, unmoved.  So also with all other feelings and emotions.
    Q. What is this play of your made of?
    A. It is made of three qualities, satwa, rajas and tamas -- harmony, activity and dullness.
    Q. How is variety seen in this diversity?
    A. By countless modes of combinations of these three qualities.  These three gunas make together what is called Prakriti.
    Q. O Mother, are you separate from Prakriti?
    A. O child, Prakriti exists because of me, but I am not in Prakriti.
    Q. Is Prakriti eternal?
    A. Individually not, but collectively she is.  Bear in mind always that Prakriti has only a relative existence and not absolute.  I am the only Absolute.
    Q. If sorrow and pain are unreal, why whould there be sympathy, compassion, charity, love, truth, goodness, purity andsuch virtues in this world?
    A. Realisation of the state in which this world is witnessed as a play, can be attained only by recognizing me as one, appearing as many.  The three gunas have to be transcended before absolute unity is realised.  Now this oneness is attained only through the practice of univeral love, purity, truth, compassion and charitable deeds.
    Q. What is this realisation?
    A. This realisation makes you only a blissful witness of the play of the three gunas and thus remain always free from all the effects of pleasure and pain and other pairs of opposites, yourself, untouched and unaffected. The it is that you will have realised the fact, 'You are myself.'"

    Keith




    Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. -unknown
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  •  08-04-2006, 8:07 PM 3311 in reply to 3270

    • geomo is not online. Last active: 03-14-2007, 1:33 PM geomo
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    Re: I fucking hate...

    oops

    Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. -unknown
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  •  08-04-2006, 8:07 PM 3312 in reply to 3311

    • geomo is not online. Last active: 03-14-2007, 1:33 PM geomo
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    Re: I fucking hate...

    oops again..i hate that too

    Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. -unknown
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  •  08-04-2006, 8:16 PM 3313 in reply to 3264

    • geomo is not online. Last active: 03-14-2007, 1:33 PM geomo
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    Re: I fucking hate...

    I totally know what you mean about this path being sucky.  Here's a quote from Gurumayi that a friend posted on another forum.

    "You should understand that this path is the blazing fire of Kundalini Shakti. The crusts of impurity fall away. This path is not for fainthearted people. This path is for the courageous."
    - Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, COURAGE AND CONTENTMENT p.141

    A lot of folks I know have been going through a lot of karmic crap, shedding karmic debt in the process.  I am gonna be spending some time with my teacher working on this next week.  He helped me a bit on the phone and via email this week.  I know it can be hard at times, really, really hard, but what seemed to be very helpful to me was remembering once again (how many times to I have to learn this one!) not to allow myself to get sucked into the perpetrator-victim game.  It has roots in the dualistic belief in cause-and-effect.  Tough to grasp when confronted with:  the bomb (emotional or otherwise) came and shit blew up!

    Courage.

    Keith



    Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. -unknown
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