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SOS David Deida....SOS

Last post 06-05-2008, 10:33 AM by jondavi. 4 replies.
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  •  05-30-2008, 1:50 AM 53733

    SOS David Deida....SOS

    I would say don’t give your heart away

    …but some of ya’ll don’t have a choice

    It’s an erotic drive to fill the void

    Blissfull one moment

    The next

    Destroyed

    How can one avoid the feelings so rich

    Say goodbye to bliss and hello to hissy fits

    I hate that bitch

    Cause my heart rides along

    Spinning in circles reciting old songs

    Longing for one touch

    A flip of that hairs such

    An ease to my heart and soul

    Alone I write a poem

    Clutch the remains of a heart that’s torn

    Open wounds invisible scars bleeding

    Lost in eyes this feelings needing

    Dreaming

    Dreaming

    Am I dreaming

    I wish……

    Nothing poetic…..open wounds it’s so pathetic

    Help me end the pain

    Drained

    There’s no escape

    She took a curtain and drapped it (without remorse) over my eyes

    As if to put me asleep----light fades away

    Now I lay restless paralyzed with the urge to die

    My open eyes stare

    Nothing there

    Anticipating shadows come to life

    In reaccuring nightmares…

    One of gods lab rats

    Lets see how he reacts

    When she destroys his every means

    And leaves him with what he lacks

    Its black

    Its black

    Let me take it back

    Let me shake

    Let me shake

    Let me shack

    Loves a drug

    Withdraw disorder

    Better one day

    But whats the sense in that?

     

     

    The subject is.......well forgive me my minds not totally clear.....

     

    Relapse is an issue.....when one loses balance in life.....stepping back a stage....

     

    I'm in need of a "WE" space------------don't be shy, please

     

    I made a girl my world, fell in love with her radiance.....became embedded in it for my connection to spirit i guess.......that's what happens when one stops meditating and spends TOO much time in the gym------see ILP------without balance one falls apart...

     

    But is that it??????

     

    Does it make me any less a man for falling apart-----for seeking completion through a relationship-----getting stabbed in the heart......and pretty much losing my marbles....?

     

    Co-dependancy......pathological feminine energy......meditate it out of your system i hear....experience the full spectrum of emotions as the witness.......add pschotherapy you got the integral solution.....

     

    I know.....but......i want to get rid of the pain right now (heard that before?).......

     

    It was so great......

     

    Now it's gone......reminds me of a song......

     

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw5A7H-g_cs

     

    http://www.youtube.com/v/Uw5A7H-g_cs&hl=en"> name="wmode" value="transparent">http://www.youtube.com/v/Uw5A7H-g_cs&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355">

     

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw5A7H-g_cs

     

     

     

     

     

    May peace exxist as if it were never there

     

     


    May peace ferment.....as if it were never there
  •  06-03-2008, 9:35 PM 54308 in reply to 53733

    Re: SOS David Deida....SOS

    Hey there,

    I" m here for a 'we' space so you're not alone.< p>

    In need of a story to translate the pain? "The greatest thing we'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" to quote a movie about hookers.

    Not much else to say that you haven't heard before or that you don't want to hear right now.

    Break ups suck and the All is amazing at the same time

    : /


    A clever ironic quote is best here... instead I'll smile :)
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  •  06-04-2008, 6:21 AM 54346 in reply to 54308

    Re: SOS David Deida....SOS

    dear Ilovemywilberitis,

    I saw your post shortly after you posted it and I was tempted to answer it several times. I didn't respond because I didn't know what to say...your poem/ rant is just too perfect. All the answers you seek are already in it... ('Now I'm just mean to them';-) And then I was waiting for some buddhist to show up and soothe you or whatever they do usually in such a case. But no one showed up...probably they were too busy with meditating or sending you good vibrations or what. Or they didn't even see you... I'm a bit surprised I must say. So whatever I resonate with your text... it's beautiful. I also like your avatar picture. But, I don't know, there is something about you, I mean, ARE YOU A REAL PERSON? .... You're a mystery to me...

    I'm glad that figtreehillchiro answered you first and offered her help so I was free to tell you what I think about your text. btw it looks like you two have melted into one entity. Are you alright, you two? :-D

    witz
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  •  06-05-2008, 2:28 AM 54432 in reply to 54346

    Re: SOS David Deida....SOS

    (i added this right here after i finished----don't know how much of a speil this turned into, sometimes i just write and write, thanks for reading....and uh....sorry...length you know, ther's alot to read in the world, one mans blog is.....anyway.                                 (oh yeah i'm not a person, i'm the combination of penguin and pandas milk when they are heated to a boil----the evaporated mist off of it.....yup that's me.....and that just makes me even more ridiculous.....God bless ya witz78 and figtreehillchiro)

     

     

    First off, I really thank you two for responding.

    To tell you the truth, after reading--or while reading both---I broke uncontrollably into tears---especially when the words "i am here for a "we" space" resonated with me with the impact of a tidal wave---and the tears came like a tidal wave----what's weird is it felt good---i think i am the pathological feminine (the small degree to which i understand some of it).....

    Why?

    The tears, the pain---comes uncontrollably out of nowhere---at odd times. I think i try to repress, tell myself i am fine and good to move on, but i miss her so much.     And here's the rub.....she cheated on me while i was up north in the bush working away (....the bush....makes it sound "hardcore".....I was baking muffins out there for god sakes lol!)             Now, I wanted to move on from this subject....to have a bit more of an objective eye towards this...something like...the effects of relationships on integral consciousness, specifically the regressionary principles that seperation from a feminine/masculine energy may trigger in such a being......I didn't want this so much to center around me or my issues (or maybe i do....shadow egocentricity??)   Nor do i want  to bore anyone with my issues.....or real long posts (sorry, i get redundant)

    This is the thing(s)....................my life is still centered around her (this is why i say pathological femine is me)      I have more drive than ever, to start a company, be a success, reach my goals.........not for me though, still for her.   So i can, you know (this is horrible....but human....all too human)   flaunt, have her green with envy as she sees what she losts, so she feels horrible about what she did......that she wants me back so bad and i tell her it can't happen (so maybe part of the problem comes from my need to be needed???)           Strange right? My world revolves around her still! My drive is still a result of the motivation i recieve indirectly from her.    When a women (sorry, femine energy) is embedded in an abusive relationship (like she was with the guy she was with for two years prior to me....he was majorlly abusive--drug dealing....red memish type cat--------which by the way was the guy she cheated on me with)   ---when a women is embedded in the relationship, it consumes her absolutley, she's all communion no agency---no autonomy------that was her with this guy....and now thats me with her.........I-R-O-N-I-C??????

    It's more ironic.      Six years ago i broke up with her (we dated for 2 weeks) ... specifically because i felt she had co-depandancy issues.....that she was pathologically feminine (i know it was wrong to break up with her over that but i was young and thought it was the best thing to do for her)    I hoped she would gain some autonomy (deida's 2nd stage in relationship development) ...... and be healthy and happy in her future relationships..............6 years later she's having trouble on and off with her current boyfriend of two years (abusive pig cheated on her, hit her , and caused her a misscarriage) .....and their done for good........i see her growing her own legs....ready to walk on her own "i don't need a man"  (i'm like....."you go girl" this is what i had been waiting for)   My theory is that she was in that transitional state from stage one (egocentric co-dependancy) to stage two (individual autonomy) .......and there i am (thinking i am high and mighty integral consciousness boy yada yada yada....when hey!! DEVELOPMENTAL STREAMS DEVELOP INDEPENDANTLY!!!!! BECAUSE COGNITIVE OR SPIRITUAL LINES ARE.....HIGER (ER).....DOESN'T MEAN YOUR RELATIONSHIP LINE IS!                                  So this is where it gets weird.......i became what i left her for 6 years ago...in hopes that she would grow out of it......then i became that (more or less)   6 years later!!?! And then she left me (it was a contributing factor at least) for the same reason!!!!!!   And here i sit devastated in shambles.               { Also, i fell in love with all her flaws, they were all perfect to me. I mean, she wasn't the typical kind of girl i'm into at least on the....intellectual/spiritual level.....she's really a party/barstar type girl.....and i just loved her for EXACTLY who she was....no change needed......when i never thought i'd be into a girl like that, that she would have to be, you know----at least into youga or enviromentalism....you know, just a lil smidgin integral.        I think that this is where such strong femine energy can be so captivating, i was lost in her.      So yeah, intense femine energy and a whole lotta pathologiacl issues within myself and her.....well, you get the picture.}  

    I dated her for two weeks six years ago, that was the only relationship i had up until seeing her again six years later. She was the only girl i ever decided to give my heart to (i've had fears of being in relationship that may stem from abandonment issues as a child)  

     

    So thats...part of my big speil. Kind of exhausted after writing/thinking about it. But i know it's good to get out. And hey, it's kind of interesting to anybody interested in....well....whatever it is :-)               

     

    On another note, witz78----thanks. You message was great. I'm happy you reasonated in some way with what i wrote, and that you FELT it. It means a hellofalot to me. Thanks for deciding to reply, the compliments/reply in general really made me feel good, and i know i need that. In times like this (i feel like an idiot for saying that-----there's people suffering from malnutrition....and my issues are "feelings")....it's times like this that make me want to reach out and help others in some way. And i certainly thank the fine people in this whole community, and especially you two for responding to me, from the bottom of my heart---because care....Care....is truly a beautifull thing....

     

     

    And the fact that that quote was from a move about hookers......Hillarious! 


    May peace ferment.....as if it were never there
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  •  06-05-2008, 10:33 AM 54511 in reply to 54432

    Re: SOS David Deida....SOS

    Hey LMW ~

    You've really got to publish that poem, and do it as a rap song, especially since it is coming from your authentic space of where you are at right now, and since it will resonate with that place where any number of other people are at right now. 

    It's the universal tug-of-war that brings grit and grace to the human experience.  How else are we ever going to grow if we don't know the flip side shadow of love?  Sure, we'll regress to some earlier life-form (btw ~ your reply to witz when he asked if you were a real person cracked me up, man.  Penquin and Panda milk...and you as the evenescent mist as it evaporates from the boil....WOW!!! )

    You're already getting better, dude.  Write On!


    The yoga of light and sound is really only one event. It's the frequency of their vibrations that is different.

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