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I confess...

Last post 11-02-2007, 9:03 AM by italiangold. 34 replies.
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  •  09-03-2007, 12:41 PM 28062 in reply to 28039

    Re: I confess...

    Hello Christoph, and welcome here!

    That was a great first post, if you ask me. Man, you sound so open and honest, I fear for your sanity. The world is full of teachers and guru-wannabe's, and they'll be all over you like flies on honey, teaching, preaching, filling your natural emptifullness with ideals no one can ever live up to, landing you in the "should house" eventually, that mental prison where you're convinced that you should be something else than what you are.

    But if you're into Ramana Maharshi, there's hope :-), and maybe you'll be spared decades worth of fruitless searches for what you've never lost in the first place. As it happens, we've just had a thread about Ramana going on our sister site here.
    Check it out and join in, if you feel pulled.

    About getting into altered states while running -- yes! I would definitely call that meditation. Many athletes and dancers know about "entering the zone" where you transcend ordinary clock-time and even gravity to a certain degree. From childhood on I've had these experiences of floating, almost flying while walking or running for miles on end; or jumping across rocky riverbeds and ravines never missing a step due to the state of grace that keeps you nimble like a springbok; or when I'm dancing and plugging into the socket where the energy supply truly becomes infinite.  In Wilber-speak that's called a highly developed kinesthetic line, so you've got that going for you as a talent. However, I bet that other lines of development are left far behind by comparison. So those are the ones that give us trouble and bring high-fliers DOWN. Have you been to the pits of hell yet? Welcome there, too.

    All the best to you,

    m


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  •  09-09-2007, 8:38 AM 28297 in reply to 28062

    • chmelcherii is not online. Last active: 12-20-2007, 9:46 AM chmelcherii
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    Re: I confess...

    Dear Masha,

    thanks so much for that nice welcome. I'm still taken aback of what you write. How can you possibly read my mind (since I didn't give that many details at first)?

    Almost exactly two years ago (09/28/05; I should update my profile and use that as my new d.o.b.; but are toddlers allowed to take part here?:) I found myself in a locked mental health facility after having survived a suicide attempt. I guess the two weeks in that 'mental prison' easily go as 'pits of hell'. And sure enough, after that experience I felt kind of empty, helpless and off track. I knew that something had to change, but I didn't want to fall for any 'guru-wannabe'. Unconsciously I waited until I got Maharshi's book...
    Having escaped the pits of hell (all of that had happened at UC Berkeley), I did something really crazy: I went from hell to deeper hell, accepting a postdoc position at Harvard. More 'teachers', more 'wannabe's', trying to put me not only into the 'should house' but into the 'have-to house'. Just because I don't want to fit into the drawer of conventional, career- and ego-focussed Harvard employees.

    I guess you're perfectly right in that many 'lines of development' are left far behind within me. I just begin to learn about or discover "lines, stages, states, memes, colors" and you-name-it. I didn't even know how much there is to work on or to help unfold; I had no clue. And who's teaching you that? I guess only life. My younger brother (who started his journey much earlier) recently wrote me "if you wanna learn for life, you better learn from life!" I guess life is indeed the best teacher, although pretty merciless from time to time :) But I also read that "if you are ready, your teacher will come!" I feel so ready that I just cancelled my appointment at Harvard and am currently preparing for a trip to Southern Asia. To recover, to relax, to learn, to develop, to see things unfold, to live... With a little bit of luck I'll be welcome there, too :)

    All the best to you, too Chris
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  •  09-09-2007, 2:19 PM 28306 in reply to 28297

    Re: I confess...

     Hi Christoph.

    Hey, I'm happy to hear back from you.  This place is so empty, it often takes weeks for a response to come through. But here you are, apparently alive and well, relatively speaking. Na ja, das ist schon mal gut, nech?  Ich bin übrigens auch eine gebürtige Deutsche und pendele jetzt zwischen Europa und Amerika hin und her. Und, ja, also, manchmal kann ich die Energie von den Leuten die hier schreiben, intuitiv lesen. Das geht dir vielleicht genauso... Back to English, though. If you want, we can talk more about the underdeveloped lines, and meanwhile, on your way to South Asia, there's a song that seems to have been tailor-made for someone like you:


      Steve Miller Band: Fly Like An Eagle


    By the way, for Native American tribes, the "eagle" symbolizes the Great Spirit. You probably knew that, too :-)

    Tschüss, bis bald!

    Mascha
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  •  09-10-2007, 3:35 AM 28327 in reply to 28306

    • chmelcherii is not online. Last active: 12-20-2007, 9:46 AM chmelcherii
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    Re: I confess...

    Hah, interesting...

    Talking of "spiritual songs": you're by chance familiar with 'Die Fantastischen Vier'? Are these guys enlightened? So many of their lyrics are just full of wisdom.
    And 'Native Americans' and 'great eagle': that reminds me of Joseph Campbell. Too bad he passed away; I'm pretty sure he would have been a great fit for I-I. Has he or his work ever been discussed anywhere here, by any chance?

    Will be off to Hartford/CT soon, attending a seminar with Deepak Chopra. Geee, I'm curious. I'm sure it's gonna be so much richer to hear him talking live and alive rather than just reading :)


    Enjoy Chris
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  •  11-02-2007, 9:03 AM 31091 in reply to 775

    Re: I confess...

    Dearest perera,

    I just accidentally sent this post to you privately. (Arrrrghhh, this tch stuff is difficult for granny). I've managed to copy and paste below.

    I was thrilled to find the thread on "practice." Your sweet and honest posts opened many hearts and invited great responses.

    I visited your art site and found the moments of manifestation utterly engaging. Some of the images (and I wish you'd name them individually) appear like the "feelings" I have as things arise in deep thought or meditation. Thank you for sharing.

    I'm still looking for the art thread. I'd love to see another for members to share poetry as I'm sure that more than a few of us have tried in vain to pour our souls onto lines on a page.

    Another bit of sharing I'd MOST love is everyone's list of books and tapes they've found most helpful on the Path. Or just authors...in my case they would start with Ken Wilber, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hahn, Pema Chodren( especially helpful for shadow work) and even Depak Chopra, especially on tape, as his voice has the power to make my mind flicker toward that which is Holy.

    I will soon be starting my 7th decade of life. (Holy Crap) I've played at being a seeker for so long that I had forgotten to stop looking and start practicing. Queen of procrastination, this has been the bane of my search. Thanks to my ILP kit I'm at last diving in. I was very disappointed that the MyIlp site is not yet up and running as I'd love to share everyone's experience with the materials.

    Finally, I can't believe it took me so long to learn of Ken's horrific health battle which nearly took his life in December. I'm glad that by the time I heard he was well on his way to recovery. I'm profoundly grateful that he is still with us.

    OK, enough rambling. I just wanted to say Thank-You to everyone who is part of this journey on I-I. Please keep posting. I am in a tiny community and far from any others who share my "seeking." Your input is a life line.

    Love and Laughter,

    Italian Gold
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