the stuff that was happening in real life was better than the writing. while my consciousness was heightened i really felt that i was going to be the first human to break all the barriers and find the answers, the key to perfect genius, cure the world with correct thought, all of that.
one of the first signs of 'magic' was making electric lights flicker... i remember showing up for class after a little time off, and telling my friends... and while i told them about my control over the lights, the one above me blew out.
blah blah blah...... the friend and i were able to turn the television off and on... i could send thoughts and feelings to another person... was able to charge my arms with energy... i knew what others were thinking when i told them to hold an idea in their mind... i mesmerized friends... i saw what was on television from behind a wall...
blah blah...... so then 'psychic christian lady' came over... she had a child being babysat by my mother... and i knew about her from my mum... and i wanted to meet her, so i was there to meet her the next time she came over... before anything else was said, she looked at me and said that "You can feel the energy in your arms, right?"... and i was doing just that... and i showed her my journal.
she tried something on me, sending me "love" holding my hands, and i felt nothing even though tears came from my eyes. i had also been talking to 3 'spirits' before she came over and she knew that i had, and described them exactly as i had ... imagined. because i only thought i was imagining people with a very vivid mind for the sake of bouncing my thoughts around more adequately... and when she told me they were spirits i wasn't ready to believe her, i too could tell people their spirits and i thought they were archetypal characters associated to the persons mind i was sensing... created by them. still i don't know.
i let her take my journal eager to impress or atleast see what she thought. that night i saw energy everywhere in my bedroom but none of it reached me even though it looked like it could have been trying. circling around me... i told my mum the next day and she told me that the lady had told her she would send me love energy that night because she detected a void and inability to feel love or to feel loved. i felt somewhat proud to have deflected it, yet a little bit worried about myself.
while i was at school oneday she returned to see my mother and tell her that a very evil and quite powerful spirit had me in its control. she explained that the energy hadn't been able to connect to me. and then she pointed out something i had written about sacrifices in the journal, i had ordered the 4 most preferable sacrifices... later in life i found out aleister crowley had written the same list in the book of law, or aiwass had written it through him... also i had written some blasphemous (to her) things on jesus christ being a retard genius, and a great failure. but i was being complimentary since my own father hated religion and didn't believe jesus was worth anything.
i took it all to be her christian bullshit raising its head...
later on... while i was asleep mum had a call from her. i don't think i heard it, but i woke up very furious and i knew she was talking to my mum and making her upset. i jumped out of my bed and went to my mums bedroom and i took the phone out of her hand and told the lady that she is the most blind person i had ever met and then i hung up, she didn't say anything to me... mum told me she was calling to withdraw her child from day care because me and my evil spirit were a threat... the next conflict i had was when her husband came over to sign the papers... and i tried to stay away but i couldn't help screaming at him through the door what idiots they are. he came back with "You think ya know everything don't you ya little smart ass!"... and i remember screaming back to him that i know i don't know everything... and that's more than he will ever know. yeah, the way i was coming across sure was wasnt helping, or maybe i was just a kid and i felt hurt because i trusted her.
ugh, to be continued :p